Sunday, June 20, 2010

Infinity Chained

This is another of my paintings: Chained Angel II. I painted  it at the same time I painted Chained Angel I, below . I painted them side-by-side, using the same color palette  ( I wrote a little about Chained Angel I earlier on this blog : The Art of Illness.)
       Chained Angel II has the horse head nebula as her dress, and deep space as her wings. Yet- she is enchained deep in a cavern inside the Earth.  How can space and infinity be chained??? For me, this is a description of living with ME/CFS.
         Having a mind that wants to explore  the world around me and a body that can't even make it to the parking lot is a paradox. Embodying  a heart that desires interaction with other cultures & other peoples in a body that is chronically exhausted is.....well... frustrating.
         A case in point is this past Friday. I was not doing well already, but my daughter & her boyfriend were taking us to lunch to celebrate Father's Day. This is a rare occaisions due to everyone's work schedules, and my health. We all went, and we all had a nice time, though I couldn't eat. 
               Later that night was the first get together for the newly re-formed Pacific Paranormal Investigations. We all love being together. The chemistry feeds our souls. My husband & I spent 6 wonderful hours with these fascinationg and caring people around a fire. We all talked about things we are passionate about.  By yesterday , late morning,  I had crashed. Complete adrenal exhaustion. Everything hurts. No more that 2 hours sleep. My kidneys are inflamed, my joints are inflamed, it hurts to breathe, my brain is foggy..... I could go on, but I won't. I am in a complete breakdown.  I only spent time with people I love, sitting only (no dancing, walking, moving around)..... and yet the cost was very high. I'm still paying.

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