The Art of Illness

Chained Angel 1, oil, acrylic, molding paste on canvas.

Above is painting I did in 1998/99. It's part of a diptych I did for a painting class. I did another painting along with this one, with the same theme: a chained angel. I will upload a photo of the other painting in the future.

The painting is an expression of how I feel in this body with this mess of entangled illnesses.
Blood and bone- rawness.
The wings are infinite possibilities, yet they cannot overcome the weight and immobility of the chains.
The sheer grief of knowing you will never actualize your own potential.
And so it is, while struggling with a wretched disease of the immune system.

It's been 11 years since the paintings, and I can no longer paint. My arms and upper body too weak, and the Sjogren's Syndrome has caused my eyesight to deteriorate.

All is not lost: I am struggling to blog and share. I hope to give others a voice-
a way of expressing their journey.

I am also fortunate: I recently was in a spate of griping and complaining.
"Everything hurts! My skin even hurts, my hair roots hurt. I ache."
My husband got very quiet
He looked at me very seriously... I shut up.
"You're still beautiful." he said, as he started the car.
My hero.

Neurological Problems with Intermittent Hail

It's Friday, late afternoon, in no-longer-sunny Southern California-land of San Diego. The storms have been non-stop since Tuesday. Last night and today we've had repeated episodes of peas-size hail with thunder and lightening. This morning the hail broke through my roof. As I was trying to get myself coordinated to call the roofers, property management and other HOA board members, I tripped & knocked over my portable oil heater. I landed on top of it. I've re-wounded my hip, wrist & lower back. All these areas were traumatized in 2008 when I was run over by a car (that's a story for another day!). My brain-body coordination has been challenged lately. The stress has caused my heart rhythm to be "off".

O the joy of it all!!!

I did rescue a poor kitty from the storm, and reunited her with her family today. How she knew to cry at my door, is a wonder to me! I hadn't met her before today.
Back to the afghan, couch, cats, and Vajra Guru mantra.

Migraine With Tornado Watches

Today is a "migraine with tornado watches" kind of day. We don't often have tornado watches here in Southern California.

The migraine has my brain scrambling : it's all confused over left and right. It's more on left, or the other left.

Of course, there is flooding on the property, and people need help, so I can't crawl in the closet with my afghan, like the national weather service recommends.

Oh well....

all around dysfunction

I was exposed to chemicals... new carpet.... and now my chest and lungs have been giving me a hard time. Not to mention the brain fog. This was 3 days ago, and I can't shake it. If this isn't bad enough, my computer has been malfunctioning as well. And the cell phone. I'm afraid to turn on the cable box! And now, back to the couch and my specially knitted afghan (by special and close friend Christine). *sigh*

The Virtue of Small Things

Being chronically sick has given me a chance to notice things that would have been missed in the rush of the 24/7 working world. For example, my front doorstep/patio has it's own little world. I live in suburb of a very large city, but my single story condo faces a small greenbelt . During the late winter, this area is populated with hundreds of hummingbirds on their way to and from North and South America. This also happens to be their mating season. Hummingbirds are very territorial, and will fight each other for access to food and mates.
The first winter after we moved in, I noticed that exhausted hummingbirds were dropping on my doorstep. Since I knew nothing about these tiny marvels, and I did not want them to die on my doorstep, I decided to learn what I could do to help them. I contacted a lady who works for the San Diego Zoo. She came to my home and gave me a crash course in hummingbird urgent care. Now, when I see a downed hummer, all I have to do is hold it gently, and put a dropper of nectar-water over it's beak. If you see downed hummer, it's because it is exhausted and has low blood sugar. If they don't get nectar, they slip into a coma and die. Hummingbirds are not afraid of humans.... they don't struggle when you pick them up. After they receive enough nectar, they will fly out of your hands, off to their next adventure.
The photo above is of me feeding a female (the males are brightly colored) hummingbird. The length of time it takes to revive a hummingbird depends on how depleted their blood sugar is. It can take a few minutes, or a few hours. It doesn't matter to me. All I have is time....

On my other blog

On my other blog I have posted a story you may enjoy: Once in a Blue Moon. Click here.