The Virtue of Small Things

Being chronically sick has given me a chance to notice things that would have been missed in the rush of the 24/7 working world. For example, my front doorstep/patio has it's own little world. I live in suburb of a very large city, but my single story condo faces a small greenbelt . During the late winter, this area is populated with hundreds of hummingbirds on their way to and from North and South America. This also happens to be their mating season. Hummingbirds are very territorial, and will fight each other for access to food and mates.
The first winter after we moved in, I noticed that exhausted hummingbirds were dropping on my doorstep. Since I knew nothing about these tiny marvels, and I did not want them to die on my doorstep, I decided to learn what I could do to help them. I contacted a lady who works for the San Diego Zoo. She came to my home and gave me a crash course in hummingbird urgent care. Now, when I see a downed hummer, all I have to do is hold it gently, and put a dropper of nectar-water over it's beak. If you see downed hummer, it's because it is exhausted and has low blood sugar. If they don't get nectar, they slip into a coma and die. Hummingbirds are not afraid of humans.... they don't struggle when you pick them up. After they receive enough nectar, they will fly out of your hands, off to their next adventure.
The photo above is of me feeding a female (the males are brightly colored) hummingbird. The length of time it takes to revive a hummingbird depends on how depleted their blood sugar is. It can take a few minutes, or a few hours. It doesn't matter to me. All I have is time....

Have you tried....

Often, when I explain my disabling condition to others, they immediately chime in with
"Have you tried _____________ ?". I understand that they think they are being helpful. Underneath the helpfulness is a common misconception: Somehow, by being chronically ill, I have failed. Failed to "accept healing", failed to "allow myself to be well", failed to "do what the Dr. tells me", failed to "find the right healer". Endless assumption of failure. In reality, my chronic illnesses is not a failure.

Especially in New Age circles, there is this idea that some one who is sick is somehow "giving themselves a lesson", they are "thinking the wrong thoughts", they are "not accepting THE LIGHT".
These ideas and assumptions of the sickness ( and death) as failures are actually toxic. They are of no value to the sick and the dying. These ideas allow people to ignore what really happening right here, right now. In other words this way of thinking is a form of avoidance of suffering.

There is a wonderful essay explianing these misconceptions entitled Spiritual Healing, Holistic Healing and the White Light Fascists by Caitlin MacKewen. It's in a book called Stricken: voices from the hidden epidemic of chronic fatigue syndrome by Peggy Munson. (I have it pictured in the Amazom.com sidebar here on this blog.)

In a future blog, I will list all the healing techniques I have tried in my journey toward wholeness.

It all began...

It all began in 1979. Suddenly I was so sick that the act of getting out bed exhausted me. What started out as a case of mononucleosis became a devastating life changing event. I would never be the same. Life as I knew it ended, before it even started. I was 19.

Here is a brief synopsis of some of the diagnoses I was given as the illness progressed through the years:
*Mononucleosis
*Chronic Mononucleosis
*Epstein-Barr
*Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/ "yuppie flu"
*Chronic Strep Infection
*Systemic Yeast Infection
*Environmental Illness/Asthma
*Multiple Chemical Sensitivities
*Functional Hypoglycemia
*Interstitial Cystitis
*Adrenal Exhaustion
*Depression
*Fibromyalgia
*In 1993 I h=gave birth to my 2nd daughter, who was born terminally ill with trisomy 16p. She lived 22 months.
*Hashimoto's Disease

(at this point it was brought to my attention that an "unknown organism" was causing my immune system to attack my body)
*ME/CFIDS (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/ Chronic Fatigue Immune Deficiency Syndrome)
*Sjogren's Syndrome

Ironically, I was one of the lucky ones: I didn't get diagnosed as mentally ill, or as a hypochondriac. Sadly, this was how most patients like myself were treated during these years. In October of 2009, something changed all that. The Whittmore-Peterson Institute announced their study findings: "We have detected the retroviral infection XMRV is greater than 95% of the more than 200 ME/CFS, Fibromylagia, Atypical MS patients tested."